Month: May 2021

  • Considerable Fish

    From The Detroit Times, May 2, 1913.
     By Berton Braley.
     
    
     “Speakin’ of fishes,” said the Tar,
     “Speakin’ of fishes, near an’ far,
         There once was a gentleman shark I knowed
     As swallowed our anchor fer a hook
     An’ when he seen what a bite he’d took
         Went hikin’ off through the sea, an’ towed
     That ship along like a bloomin’ chip,
     Though she was a regular monster ship.
     He towed her backwards, mile on mile
     Though the engines fought him all the while;
     He towed her over the heavin’ foam
     He towed her into the pier at home
     An’ then with many a bump an’ shock
     He towed that vessel upon the dock;
     He towed her up through the city street
     At a pace that a race horse couldn’t beat.
     He towed her over the vale an’ hill
     An’ he never stopped a bit until
     The screw got caught in a spreadin’ oak
     An’ the anchor chain an’ the hawser broke
     But the shark kep’ on with a grim intent
     Though I never did learn where the monster went.”
     There was silence awhile in the village bar
     As a tribute mute to the bold Jack Tar
     An’ it looked like the palm would sure be his
     Till old Bill Jackson said, “Gee Whiz!
     I kin tell you just where yer big fish is;
     An’ I know the tale that you tell is true
     ‘Cause I caught the shark as he hove in view
     An’ I got him stalled in the stable now
     An’ I use the critter to help me plow.”
     Then the old Tar rose an’ he said, said he,
     “By the Great Horn Spoon, that sure beats me.”
     Then his face grew pale and he gave a start
     And he fell and died—of a broken heart.
  • Real Trouble

    From the Rock Island Argus, May 1, 1913
     By S. E. Kiser.
     
    
     He sighed because it was his fate
         To earn the blessings he received;
     Because he was compelled to wait
         For opportunities he grieved.
     
     He mourned because he could not claim
         A certain lady for his own;
     He sadly sighed because his name
         In many quarters was unknown.
     
     He thought his fate was hard to bear
         Because he seldom got a rest;
     When he began to lose his hair
         A bitter sadness filled his breast.
     
     But when he lost his appetite
         And when good health was his no more
     He sadly wondered day and night
         Why he had ever grieved before.