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Posts published in “Quip”

The Worst Thing

The worst thing you can say about an actress is — nothing.

Fishing on Sunday

Lady (to small boy who is fishing) — I wonder what your father would say if he caught you fishing on Sunday?
Boy — I don't know. You'd better ask him. That's him a little farther up the stream.


Office boy — My vacation begin tomorrow.
His chum — How long have yer got?
Office boy — As long as I like. The boss told me I needn't come back at all.

It Depended

"Doesn't that shouting outside annoy you?"
"I can't say until I find out whether it is being done by my own or the neighbor's children."

No Answer

There was a lull during the convention.
Some one shouted: "The people rule."
Someone else inquired: "Where?"
And then there was another lull.


The hypocrite leads, not a double life, but a half life.

Or Something

"Oh, papa! Couldn't you take Fred into your business? He's so ambitious and we are to be married soon, too."
"Er - what could he do?"
"Why, couldn't you make him president of the business or something?"

What They Escape

Willie — Paw, what is the middle class?
Paw — The middle class consists of people who are not poor enough to accept charity and not rich enough to donate anything.

Preaching Priorities

Maggie — Why did they make a change in ministers at your church?
Anne — The other one spoke so often on the responsibilities of marriage that none of the unmarried men in the congregation would propose.

Needed Admiration

"I understand that Mr. Grabwell started in life by borrowing $50. You must admire a man with courage like that."
"No, I don't," replied Mr. Growcher. "The man I admire is the one who had the courage to lend him the fifty."